I came across this post on Twitter, and I would like to share it here.
This is very true, many abusers are actually protected by being well-established in society. Simply, people around them can’t believe that “this good person” could do something bad.
I experienced this approach personally several times. I can’t specify the details, but it happened and not once.
I would like to tell those who have the authority to deal with abusers, this: please, when someone approaches you and tells you about something bad happening to them, listen. Opening up about abuse and especially pointing fingers at the specific person, in addition, respectable in society, takes a lot of courage. Trust me. If you simply say, “that can’t be true,” or “well, you are the only one saying this, nobody else complains,” you will just help the abusers to cover their actions. If you say “you know that this is a serious accusation, you can bear consequences if this is not true,” I may surprise you: yes, the person who approaches you knows it very well. And, I will repeat, it takes a lot of courage to come and say it. No normal person wakes up in the morning and says: “what would I do today? Oh, I know, I can accuse somebody of abusing me.” No, it doesn’t work like that. Those rare cases of false accusations are not an excuse to ignore the victim or to threaten with some “consequences.”
So, to conclude: if you have resources to help, please do it. If you don’t have, you can refer the person who is confiding to you to someone who can. But, please, don’t ignore, or downplay what you were being said.
Child abuse survivors often need to struggle with a dilemma of how to handle issues from their childhood. One side of the story is how things “should” be; another one is how they are. Many child abuse survivors have deeply embedded in their minds that they must look perfect, that their family must look perfect. This lie they needed to perform can become by time so deep in their minds they start to believe in it. Even when they are adults and far away from all those bad things, they may find it difficult to face them. True, it is easier to live when we try to suppress the truth and pretend that things were not so bad. But sooner or later, the suppressed trauma can burst out.
I came across an excellent short movie, dealing exactly with such conflict. I share it here.
One of the most important anchors for people with mental illness is that we can be sure we can rely on professional help. Generally, we can be sure that if our illness strikes again, we should be able to see the therapist or the psychiatrist. We should feel that they would show interest and try to help us.
However, I would like to share my experience from 4 years ago. In one of my previous posts, I told my story, when I almost lost my life. I’m suffering from depression and anxiety for many years, and that autumn 2017, I was going through pretty tough times. I experienced a series of disappointments and betrayals from people I thought I could trust. I don’t want to go into details; I just want to say my mental state was terrible. I was like walking in darkness. I attempted to end everything and I ended up in a hospital in ICU, four days in a coma. What I want to share here is the approach of hospital staff. And I would like to ask you to give me your opinion about this. You can share it in the comments below this post or just message me.
They call it dreaming, and say it’s wrong. That it is a world that doesn’t exist, and they wouldn’t go there. I call it freedom, Because there are no lies, and no injustice. It is a peaceful world, which they cannot enter.
Probably the most repeated words when we talk to someone who feels down is to encourage them to think positive, to see the brighter side of the problem. Focusing on positive aspects of our lives is indeed good. It gives us the energy to move forward and to cope with anything that puts us down. But can positivity become toxic? I mean, can constant dwell on “being positive” be actually harmful? And what should we avoid if we want to be approachable and be true support for our friends or family?
I came upon the article discussing this aspect of constant positivity. You can find it on the below link.
A quote from the article: “Simply being with your loved one is the kindest act of compassion.”